I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i now understand why vodka
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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