Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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