it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
