I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
