The maid of honor just puked.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
