When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
