No subtext here. People are naked.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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