i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
