then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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