I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
