we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
