We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
