She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
