I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
