I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
