My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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