We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
