my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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