she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What a dumb baby whore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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