Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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