Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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