i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
