just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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