Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
