It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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