You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
