My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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