filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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