Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
