its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
