Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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