Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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