Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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