Just mADE A PArabola og urine
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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