This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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