My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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