Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
