So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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