You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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