nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
