Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
