there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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