Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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