I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
