I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
