I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
