i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
