does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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