We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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