Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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