You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
