i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
