This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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