I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
