i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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