Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
