So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
