it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just pee around me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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