he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
