if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
