every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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