sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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