Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
