i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
