Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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