my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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