I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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