Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
