They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize