So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
