all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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