i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
