i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
