god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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