it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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