I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
