My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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